I'll Miss You, Ned Vizzini

I am heartbroken.

If you've been a longtime reader of this blog (hi, friend!), then you know how much I love and adore Ned Vizzini. His books spoke to me, and I've had the privilege of meeting, befriending, and knowing him. I have a tag on this blog dedicated to him, to tell of all the brilliant stories of us meeting and how incredibly sweet and nice he was. Like when he made ALA for me by giving me his personal ARC, or when he thanked me for writing a piece about his event (as if he needed to thank me for anything!).

The first time we met.
(I remember thinking he was so cute.)

So it's with a heavy heart that I write this post.

The last time I saw Ned, he was doing LATFOB with Chris Columbus and the lines were madness. I tried to wait in a signing line, but had to get to a panel. I remember him catching my eye and waving as I was leaving, tilting his head as though asking where I was going. I tapped my phone, hoping he understood it meant I'd tweet him. Sure enough, he was quick to respond when I asked where he'd be later. When I did finally catch him just before his solo signing, he hugged me hello and said he'd been happy to see me at the panel/signing. We chatted, he told me a story about his wife getting a book signed by Orson Scott Card, introduced me to her and Felix (his son), we talked longer…and then I realized I'd made him almost 10 minutes late to his signing. He waved aside my apologies and didn't even rush us to the end. He signed my book, we said our goodbyes and promised to talk and meet up again when he had more events and closer to the paperback and Book 2 release. I remember walking away thinking I'd meant to get a photo with him since we didn't have any of us together, but I'd try again next time.

There's been an outpouring of love since the news broke of Ned's passing. He lost the battle against depression, something he was so open about. It was this disease that ultimately took him from us, but it's also the one that brought him into our lives, too. And that's what I'm going to choose to remember.

Ned was such an individual. He was brilliant and funny, charming, with a built-in storytelling gene. He would regale me with hilarious stories or funny run-ins with his industry, and I'd leave him already anticipating the next adventure he'd tell me about. I still remember the day I met him felt like I was hanging out with an old friend: he treated me as such, with a warm and welcoming crooked smile. I knew then he'd gotten a fan for life. And every meeting after that just made it stronger. When he started messaging me about his upcoming events, seeing if I was going and setting up where/when we'd have a chat, it baffled me he'd remember some random fan girl and take the time out of his day just to say hi…but that's who he was. He was kind and considerate, mindful of the people in his life. He always thanking me for my writing and reviews and support, no matter how often I'd remind him it was my honor to do so.

There's really nothing else I can say, other than how terribly sad this situation is. That I am heartbroken for Ned, for the YA community's loss, for Sabra and Felix and all his other family. I hope Ned has found peace, wherever he may be, and I hope he's seeing how much we all loved him, how much his words have helped those in the same dark places he's found himself in.

I love you always Ned, and I'll miss your amazing writing, seeing you, and that happy drop in my belly every time I'd see a message from you pop up in my inbox. Thanks for teaching me the roadmaps in my head, how to travel them and what they're worth. Until we meet again, my friend.

Review: Personal Effects by EM Kokie (ARC)

Personal Effects by EM Kokie
Candlewick Press, 352 pages
Expected US Release Date: September 11, 2012
Format: ARC
Source: DAC Arc Tours (thank you!)
Challenge: Debut Author Challenge

After his older brother dies in Iraq, Matt makes a discovery that rocks his beliefs about strength, bravery, and honor in this page-turning debut.

Ever since his brother, T.J., was killed in Iraq, Matt feels like he’s been sleepwalking through life — failing classes, getting into fights, and avoiding his dad’s lectures about following in his brother’s footsteps. T.J.’s gone, but Matt can’t shake the feeling that if only he could get his hands on his brother’s stuff from Iraq, he’d be able to make sense of his death. But as Matt searches for answers about T.J.’s death, he faces a shocking revelation about T.J.’s life that suggests he may not have known T.J. as well as he thought. What he learns challenges him to stand up to his father, honor his brother’s memory, and take charge of his own life. With compassion, humor, and a compelling narrative voice, E. M. Kokie explores grief, social mores, and self-discovery in a provocative first novel.
---------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

...maybe he was trying to figure out if he could tell me, or if he should tell me, or how. Maybe he was already getting ready to leave for good, leave me behind, and didn't know how to tell me that. Whatever it was, I didn't ask because I figured, ultimately, whatever was in his head was about death.

It never occurred to me it could be about life.

If you've read my review of Something Like Normal by Trish Doller, you know how personal military issues are to me. I'm not going to retype everything (if you want to know, it's the first paragraph in the link there!), but I'll shorten it: I have lost someone to the war, I have watched loved ones come and go from it, I have watched friend's endure the losing, worrying and return of soldiers, and I currently have 3 friends serving in Afghanistan. It is impossible for me to approach books that focus on the military impartially, and I will not apologize for that. They are real to me, and these are real stories. I know people with these stories, and it would dishonor them to keep them separate.

That said, something I love about military-centric books are how absolutely different they can be. There are so many facets to war and the military; who experiences, how one experiences it, who we all know experiencing it. I am grateful to say that most of Personal Effects is an area of the military life I don't know - and I know that sounds mean, but I promise it is not.

Matt Foster's dad is the embodiment of all things I hate about gung-ho military men. The meathead ones, the cruel ones, the ones who abuse their kid and bully them into thinking military = only option, military = the Right Way of life, military = manliness. The ones who think toting a gun makes you worthy, the ones who think the trenches are the only way to become someone, and that any man who doesn't have that goal is dishonorable and a "fairy." Any person can go ahead and think that - it's not my place to tell you your thoughts and opinions are wrong - but the ones who hit their kid and drill it into them with verbal jabs and demeaning slurs? I reject them. They are not men. They are less than men, and human in only the literal sense.

I think having such a strong reaction to Matt's dad helped me get through this book - instead of getting immediately sad and filled with the drowning sense of loss I normally do, I was filled with anger and indignation and was able to read on. This is a nod to EM Kokie's writing, in the only way I know how: I hate this type of man, but I wanted nothing more than to read on about him and what he does to Matt and their lives. Her characterization of him is amazing and real, and he is easily the dozens of guys and girls I know who are like him. Even after finishing the book, I hate him; but I appreciate his character.

Since I'm already on characters, I'll tackle that first. You immediately feel for Matt, and even though I don't endorse fighting, I do like his evolution. Sometimes I wish he'd grow a pair, but I understand his personality so well; and truthfully, if he ever stopped being so internal and closed off, it just wouldn't fit him. There is a depth to Matt that took me by surprise, and happily so. TJ is the driving force to the novel, and even though he's rarely here in the story, I do love who we come to know. He's a great big brother to Matt, and my admiration and sadness of his situation only increased the more I read. Shauna is the only one I thought to be a little one-dimensional, but her function as a friend and girl is fantastic and I love her for what she is to Matt. 

So, let's get on with the important thing: the story. Guys, this story broke my heart and left my gut twisted and wrenched in every which way. I want to cry for Matt for the first half of the book, and I actually did for him and everyone involved at the end of the book. I can't spoil it - it would be shameful to wreck what you will come to know and be so invested in - but trust me when I say that this is a story worth reading. That it needs to be read. That this is someone's story, a lot of someone's stories, and the world would be a better place if people took this book, devoured it as I did and found what is there: grief, acceptance, and dealing with the parts of life we have to hide because someone has belittled it. The parts we have to hide because people don't accept it. The parts that we have to hide because maybe you could die for it.

I can't actually talk about the last half of the book, because I fear what I will inadvertently spoil - just know that it's a fairly big surprise. I started to suspect as we get to read some of the letters from TJ's personal effects, but I was never certain. Going through the journey with Matt, trying to understand TJ's life and his death...it's so emotional and real and absolutely special. When you finally learn the truth of things...oh god. I can't even. I was floored and swept away and absolutely riveted to what was going on and how Matt would react. And there is literally one line, that is seven words long, that absolutely broke my heart and opened the floodgates.

Here's the thing: yes, this book is about a military family. Yes, someone is killed in war. Yes, the entire book revolves around TJ's personal effects and what they reveal. And yes, that's pretty much the focus of my entire review. But really? It's not about the military. This is so much more than that: it's about who we are to some people, and who we are to others. It's about our true selves. It is about learning who you are, learning who you can be, learning that some limitations don't have to be your boundary. It's about understanding the truth of love, and just how much that can get a person through. And mostly, it's about perceptions: yours, someone else's, and the flexibility of all of them.

4.5 Stars

[Blog Tour] Review + GIVEAWAY: The Unfinished Work of Elizabeth D by Nichole Bernier

The Unfinished Work of Elizabeth D by Nichole Bernier
Crown Publishing Group, 309 Pages
US Release Date: June 5, 2012
Format: Finished Copy
Source: Publisher, via TLC Book Tours (thank you Crown & TLC!)
Purchase: Amazon | The Book Depository | Barnes & Noble

Before there were blogs, there were journals. And in them we’d write as we really were, not as we wanted to appear. But there comes a day when journals outlive us. And with them, our secrets.

Summer vacation on Great Rock Island was supposed to be a restorative time for Kate, who’d lost her close friend Elizabeth in a sudden accident. But when she inherits a trunk of Elizabeth's journals, they reveal a woman far different than the cheerful wife and mother Kate thought she knew.

The complicated portrait of Elizabeth—her troubled upbringing, and her route to marriage and motherhood—makes Kate question not just their friendship, but her own deepest beliefs about loyalty and honesty at a period of uncertainty in her own marriage. 

The more Kate reads, the more she learns the complicated truth of who Elizabeth really was, and rethinks her own choices as a wife, mother, and professional, and the legacy she herself would want to leave behind. When an unfamiliar man’s name appears in the pages, Kate realizes the extent of what she didn’t know about her friend, including where she was really going on the day she died. 

Set in the anxious summer after the September 11th attacks, this story of two women—their friendship, their marriages, private ambitions and fears—considers the aspects of ourselves we show and those we conceal, and the repercussions of our choices.
--------------------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

The single greatest point of interest about a woman's thirty-eight years was not what she had done, but what she hadn't told anyone she'd done.

As the daughter of a military man, I'll readily admit that sometimes my world view can be narrow despite a long list of world I've seen. My life revolved around my father's job and the military and the role they play, so it's natural for me to consider a Post-9/11 world in those terms. I think of war, lost sons and daughters, fighting, deployment, security codes and colours. But The Unfinished Work of Elizabeth D opened up an entirely new world in the Post-9/11 word to me: the one of a person not directly involved, but still wholly affected. A world filled with scary news, horrifying tactics, the constant reminder of vulnerability and the question of protection, not prevention.

I'm going to be upfront about this: I'm not the target audience for this book. I'm not a mother, a wife, an East Coast suburban woman. I don't have a sister, I don't know the struggles of family, marriage, juggling a career with kids. And for that purpose, I had a hard time getting into the book. I'm at a completely different point in my life and have no experience with most of the situations in the book, which made it difficult for me to relate. What little parts I could were difficult because I felt my personality was so different from Kate. She's measured, a bit brash and a lot quiet. The way she approaches relationships, partnerships and her life is completely different from the way I do. It was frustrating for a lot of the book, because I would have handled so many things differently than she does. I also felt like Kate was quite cynical and negative, which was bothersome.

Despite my lack of connection to Kate and our differences, I can still recognize the value of the story. This one is strong. It's sad, and raw, and I applaud Nichole Bernier for confronting those feelings we're not only afraid to admit to, but feel guilty to have. There were times my heart went out for her, like a friend going through a hard time that I wanted to hug; and there were times I could feel her fear. A lot of the time I hated how much she let the news affect her, but I can see that a lot of people will share her feelings.

I did enjoy the slow reveal about Elizabeth and getting to see her real life unfold within the context of how Kate knew her. It really makes you think about how much and how closely you can possibly know a person, since what you're seeing is what has been given to you. We take for granted that what we see is what we get, even though most of us know how untrue that is. Just consider yourself - how many people see every facet of you? What do you hide from someone, and why? They're difficult questions to confront, and I think Nichole Bernier did it wonderfully.

If you're looking for a strong novel about friendship, family and relationships, The Unfinished Work of Elizabeth D is for you. It'll make you feel and cry; it'll make you cherish what you have; it may make you see the world a bit differently. Most of all, you'll find the courage to examine what's presented and hidden, what's been offered and concealed for what reasons, and most of all, the 'why.'

 3.5 Stars / 5

And thanks to Crown Publishing, you can win a copy! 

US/Canada only, no PO Boxes allowed (sorry, publisher rules!)

Enter through the rafflecopter below, and all my giveaway policy rules apply. Good luck!

Ends 6/30

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Nichole Bernier is author of the novel THE UNFINISHED WORK OF ELIZABETH D, and has written for magazines including Elle, Self, Health, and Men's Journal. A 14-year contributing editor for Conde Nast Traveler, she was previously on staff as the magazine's golf and ski editor, columnist, and television spokesperson. She received her master's degree from the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism, and is one of the founders of the literary blog Beyond the Margins. Nichole lives outside Boston with her husband and five children.

Twitter | Facebook | Website | Beyond the Margins

(Bio via Amazon)

Review: In Honor by Jessi Kirby

In Honor by Jessi Kirby
Simon & Schuster, 240 Pages
Expected US Release Date: May 8, 2012
Challenge: Sophomore Reading Challenge, Contemporary Challenge, Completely Contemporary Challenge
Source: Purchased (LA Times Festival of Books)

Hours after her brother’s military funeral, Honor opens the last letter Finn ever sent. In her grief, she interprets his note as a final request and spontaneously decides to go to California to fulfill it.

Honor gets as far as the driveway before running into Rusty, Finn’s best friend since third grade and his polar opposite. She hasn’t seen Rusty in ages, but it’s obvious he is as arrogant and stubborn as ever—not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. Despite Honor’s better judgment, the two set off together on a voyage from Texas to California. Along the way, they find small and sometimes surprising ways to ease their shared loss and honor Finn’s memory—but when shocking truths are revealed at the end of the road, will either of them be able to cope with the consequences?
-----------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

He loved you. And that's what you do for people you love. You do what you can to help 'em out, give things up if that's what needs to happen. It's not that complicated.

I thought I'd be ok reading this book, because even though there are parts that related quite closely to my life, it was just far removed enough that I thought it wouldn't be too bad. I've lost someone in the War, but not my brother. I've gone through terrifying moments where I thought I'd lost my brother, but I haven't. There are things I've done to honor people, but never to this extent.  So I kept thinking that I was good, that this was just another story.

I cried in the second paragraph. For those who don't have a copy, that's the FIRST DAMN PAGE. When Honor mentioned Taps, I just lost it. I'm sure everyone knows just how beautiful and morphic (my Mac tells me that's not a word but I don't care!) Taps can be...when I hear it, depending on the weather, time of day, and what's going on in my life it can be anything from hopeful to in memory to mournful to just another song.  But to a military BRAT like myself, Taps is an entire entity - it encompasses lives and thoughts and stories all in one. And this line is so, so very true: "It occurs to me that I'd never actually heard Taps played in real life." Because generally, you won't ever: it's played over a speaker at a set time on base, or on TV. Or if you do, it's during a large Navy band performance. But when you hear it live in front of you, through one trumpet, for someone...it means something to you. The last time I heard it was at a close friend's dad's funeral, a veteran. I cried then, I cried when I read it now.

Moving along from all the emotions (and there were A LOT)...

It's amazing how powerful it is to enter a novel during a brother's funeral. It's such an immediate connection to the characters, and you feel so much towards them. You feel raw and intimate right along with them, and you'll follow them through anything they go through on the pages. I don't question why Honor immediately decided to take Finn up on his "request" to tell Kyra Kelly about her handsome older brother.

Truthfully, I don't know how to review such a beautiful story. It's such a powerful journey that Honor and Rusty embark on, filled with confusion and hopelessness that slowly grows into meaning and how you can move on without someone. It really does honor her brother, especially as you learn just how selfless and loving he really was. Everything was done really well, with just the right amount of give-and-take between Rusty and Honor, fun and adventurous plot points to balance the serious and introspective ones; and an entire feeling of acceptance.

Each character was crafted perfectly too, especially Honor: her emotions as she moved through her grief were so real it hurt me to read about. The anger and guilt people go through is real, but often left out since it feels shameful, and I'm glad Jessi Kirby not only touched on it, but highlighted them as well. It's an important part of the process, and it's strong to meet them head on.

I loved the brother + sister connection between Honor and Finn, as well as the bond between Honor and Rusty since he was her brother's best friend. I'm a younger sister, and I'm incredibly close with my brother; Honor's actions, thoughts, how she wanted to hang around with them all the time and was hurt when they were finally growing up and not wanting the "kid sister" around...it's so accurate and so true, Jessi Kirby really nailed all the feelings that come with being a younger who feels left out and left behind.

And maybe this will be weird considering what my first few paragraphs in the review were, but I was quite glad this story was more than just Brother Killed in Iraq. While, yes, I think that's important and meaningful on its own, Jessi Kirby elevates the novel to more than just a trip in memoriam, done to honor Finn and his life. It's the story of Honor as she learns to be on her own, really on her own; the story of Rusty and how he can honor his fallen friend; the story of how to grow when circumstance forces you to.

I was pleasantly surprised at how happy I was through the book, too, and that I laughed. I know my review makes it seem like some sobfest, but it's actually not - it's filled with a lot of heart, a lot of good memories and laughter. Rusty is the source of a lot of it, since he's that perfect boy character of disarming and charming all at once - I felt like I could see that smirk on his face. Even though I cried, there were always smiles to pull me through.

And the ending. OH THE ENDING. I obviously won't say anything about it, but it's just so perfect and fitting. Maybe some will say it's "too" perfect, but...it's perfect for this journey. For everything Honor and Rusty go through, for all the fights and tears and memories they have to sift through...I could never want more from it.

Really the only thing I could complain about is that it's only 280 pages. I want more Honor and Rusty!

I beg of you to read this book, because it will open your heart to all the emotions we're so afraid and terrified to have, to all the feelings we would never wish on anyone - and it's a wonderful, beautiful journey.

5 Stars / 5

(more if I could!)

Review: Saving June by Hannah Harrington

Saving June by Hannah Harrington
HarlequinTeen, 322 Pages
US Release Date: November 22, 2011
Challenges: Completely Contemp Challenge, Local Library Challenge

When her older sister commits suicide and her divorcing parents decide to divide the ashes, Harper Scott takes her sister's urn to the one place June always wanted to go: California. On the road with her best friend, plus an intriguing guy with a mysterious connection to June, Harper discovers truths about her sister, herself and life.
------------------------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

I hate this. I hate feeling too much and not enough at the same time.

So, definite new literary crush: Jacob Tolan.  Yes please.  There's a paragraph where Harper talks about the reasons she's confused and what she likes about him, and all I did was nod vigorously along and was like, "YES!  That's what I want!" (page 268, if anyone's got their copy.)

I'd been hearing about Saving June for awhile, and I kept seeing it at the store and picking it up and putting it back down...I completely regret not discovering this earlier. It is the perfect mix of token YA gold: road trip and music and yummy boy and best friend and loss and emotion and EVERYTHING. I teared up and hurt so hard for Harper, and I just wanted to laugh and scream with Laney, and I wanted to stare into Jake's eyes and figure him out.  Not even joking, as soon as I finished my library copy I ran out to my closest bookstore and purchased a shiny new copy to add to my shelves.

I love how widespread the music is handled in this. A lot of books I've read make me feel like an idiot if I don't listen to certain classic rock, or if I don't know of a certain song immediately when a character plays it, or simply just makes me feel bad for not being some indie kid.  But not Saving June - the tastes are eclectic, and the integration of Jake being a musical trivia book was perfect to explain some things and prompt me along as though I was in the van with them.

Also, can we please talk about the kissy scene? Because HOT DAMN AND A HALF, that was hot.  I kept marveling at how tastefully it was done but still remained incredibly breathtaking and sexy.  Well done, Hannah Harrington: well done.

I know my review is making it seem like it's just a romance book, but trust me when I say it's so much more than that: it's learning how to live with pain, how to continue on when someone you love has given up, how to make difficult choices and sometimes how you have to give in and not be ok. Even though I have never, ever experienced something like this (thank goodness), I related so much to Harper it was like I was reading my own thoughts. Harper is gritty and real and confronts those feelings we're so scared to admit we have.  The anger and guilt and everything from in-between and afar.

The characters are really what drove this story for me. Harper is fabulous, a badass doesn't-take-shit-from-anyone girl running lost and trying to find answers; Jake is this quietly funny and steadfastly, rudely honest guy who does the best with what he can (and he listens to jazz! and plays guitar! and dances! oh my heart...); and Laney is the best friend you could ask for, always there to offer a shoulder to cry on, a joke to cheer you up, or the simple presence you need when you're being torn apart. Their interactions are funny and sincere and heartbreaking and I really, really wish I was in that van on that road trip seeing Fridgehenge and that diner and Huntington with them.

(By the way, does Fridgehenge really exist? Because it needs to if it doesn't, and I need to see it if it does.)

If you haven't read this, I absolutely implore you to do so as fast as you can. Don't make my mistake of putting it off, because this book will be your new best friend.

5 Stars / 5

*it's a 5-Star, so it's added to my Birthday giveaway!

Review: The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (or, WHY?!)

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
Dutton (an imprint of Penguin Teen), 313 Pages
Released: January 10, 2012

Challenges: Completely Contemp Challenge


Diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer at 12, Hazel was prepared to die until, at 14, a medical miracle shrunk the tumours in her lungs... for now. 

Two years post-miracle, sixteen-year-old Hazel is post-everything else, too; post-high school, post-friends and post-normalcy. And even though she could live for a long time (whatever that means), Hazel lives tethered to an oxygen tank, the tumours tenuously kept at bay with a constant chemical assault.

Enter Augustus Waters. A match made at cancer kid support group, Augustus is gorgeous, in remission, and shockingly to her, interested in Hazel. Being with Augustus is both an unexpected destination and a long-needed journey, pushing Hazel to re-examine how sickness and health, life and death, will define her and the legacy that everyone leaves behind.
------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

(I can't tell you how hard it was for me to not just paste the ENTIRE GODDAMN NOVEL here)

"I love you present tense."

I'm starting this review not even 20 minutes after I finished reading the book, and that's probably a big mistake because my eyes are still that sort of blurry and my face is still wet and my nose is still in that awkward snotty-drying-up phase that makes me all sorts of sexy, but I'm feeling all the feels and want to type now. I'll probably do a Save Draft and come back later to make this coherent and worthy of being read by the public, for now, this'll have to do.

There were a lot of ways I wanted to start this review:
1) I wanted to say how I'd heard so many things about it already and knew it was a complete sobfest that alters your world, and that was weighing heavily at me as I began. And I even tweeted this:

And it was like 15 pages in I was laughing and falling in love with Gus already and all I could do was whimper after every laugh because I could feel that all these giggles were at the brink of something else, too.

2) I wanted to start with a series of "Why" questions, such as: WHY JOHN GREEN, WHY?! and WHY, Gus, WHY?! and Why did this end?! and Why did I do this to myself?! and Why can I not stop wanting everything from this book?!

3) With that quote that every reader immediately picked out of the first 40 pages as an Absolute Truth:

“‎Sometimes you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.  And then there are books which you can't tell other people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.”

4) or tell you how I actually did not want to read this book because I feared how much it would make me feel. I was so scared that it would reach into some of the most hidden corners of my mind and turn me inside out and make me cry and scream and yell and love so hard it would ache (which it did, but I'll get to all that later.)  In fact, the only reason I did finally read it is because I wanted to participate in Tracey's YA Book Club (thanks Jon for posting about it!) and their pick was TFIOS.

Truthfully, I, too, believe in that quote from #3, and I know I'm going to do it a disservice by talking about it. I didn't even want to call this a "review" so much as a "discussion" (perhaps even a "coveting") because sometimes there are words that are grouped and placed together in such a beautiful, special sequence that they can make a novel that speaks directly to the deepest recesses of your soul and you know that nothing will ever possibly come close to expressing how it makes you feel.  This book is an Emotion in itself.

You should really read the book. I don't want to say much more because...you just have to experience it.  And I will pitch it like this:

The Fault In Our Stars will fill your heart with love, and make you feel so privileged to get to know Hazel and Augustus, and make you laugh as you see their relationship build and what it means to their lives as Cancer Kids. And this book will make you bawl, it will tear your heart out and make you question humanity and mortality and oblivion and infinities and what it really is to be a grenade in neither the Jersey Shore nor Bruno Mars* way.  You will close the book often while reading it because it positively overwhelms you to the point you have to consciously tell yourself to breath; and then you will open the book back up just as quickly because it feels wrong to not keep going with Hazel. You will feel lucky, as though your own lifeline has expanded, to befriend Hazel and Augustus; you will be grateful to have witnessed their time together; and you will weep as you understand just how sincerely that they do not have "if"s, only "when"s.

And it is perfect.

Rating The Fault in Our Stars feels insufficient because it's so much more than stars, but because I am nothing if not consistent:

5 Stars / 5

(and thousands and thousands of constellations more)

PS. A note on the actual writing of it, John Green is a freakin' master. How he writes through the characters as though he is speaking directly to the reader is brilliant. I felt like Gus was apologizing to me for hiding it, I felt like Hazel was texting me why she couldn't hold his hand, I felt like I was listening to Van Houton spew asswad things to me. A MASTER, I tell you.

PPS. While I'm happy for John Green that this has been optioned as a movie, I am so unhappy with that. I cannot imagine this as a film because part of experiencing this story wholly was reading the descriptions and just following along with it. I feel like having the visual clues and environments will...detract from it all. But you know, I'll see it of course, and hopefully it's done in a different way that I'll also love.

*in the interest of full disclosure, I do not watch Jersey Shore, and I absolutely abhor Bruno Mars. So yeah, I'm making A LOT of fun of them. :)

What did you think of the book? Love it? Didn't like it?  What was the first line you cried at?

Review: Gone by Lisa McMann

Gone (Dream Catcher #3) by Lisa McMann
Simon Pulse, 214 Pages
Released: February 9, 2010
Challenge: Library Challenge

Life should be great for Janie—she has graduated from high school and is spending her summer with Cabel, the guy she’s totally in love with. But deep down she’s panicking about how she’s going to survive her future: Getting sucked into other people’s dreams is really starting to take its toll. Things get even more complicated when she meets her father for the very first time—and he’s in a coma. As Janie uncovers his secret past, she begins to realize that the choice she thought she had has more dire consequences than she ever imagined
-----------------Amazon Summary

Notable Quote

Because with the right person, sometimes kissing feels like healing.

I don't know about you, but when I pick up the last book in a series, my heart usually sinks. I put it off for awhile, I make excuses, I try to read as slowly as possible so it won't end. When series end, my heart dies a little.

Normally.

The thing about Gone is that I powered through it like crazy. I didn't read it as soon as I got it, but the moment I picked it up, I put it down an hour later, thinking about the last line and how the series ended.  And I didn't feel that normal pang of loss, or get sucked into that Reader's Depression - partially because I never really connected with Janie or with the novel(s).  They were interesting and I loved the concept of getting caught in dreams, but Janie is so unlike me that it was never something I got.

It could be because of the style of writing, too. Such short, choppy bursts. Sometimes connected, other times not.  And this isn't a bad thing at all - in fact, I loved the style of this series. I think it fit the mood perfectly.

But anyhow. I liked this book, much better than I did Fade (see my review of Book #2 here!). One of the questions I'd had lingering throughout the series was Janie's family, and I'm glad this last book centered on it and how she would deal with her ability in relation to her mom (and now, her dad).

Nothing about the book surprised me, really, and I fully understood the opposing lives Janie was trying to choose between almost from the get-go. Probably the most emotion I felt was regarding her choice with Cabel, because...I didn't like what she initially decided on. I just felt like he was getting shafted, you know?

But still, it's an interesting read and an incredibly satisfying, if not fairly predictable, end to a fantastically original series.

3.5 Stars / 5

Review: the sky is everywhere by Jandy Nelson

the sky is everywhere by Jandy Nelson
Dial Books (a Penguin imprint), 272 pages
Released: March 9, 2010

Seventeen-year-old Lennie Walker, bookworm and band geek, plays second clarinet and spends her time tucked safely and happily in the shadow of her fiery older sister, Bailey. But when Bailey dies abruptly, Lennie is catapulted to center stage of her own life - and, despite her nonexistent history with boys, suddenly finds herself struggling to balance two. Toby was Bailey's boyfriend; his grief mirrors Lennie's own. Joe is the new boy in town, a transplant from Paris whose nearly magical grin is matched only by his musical talent. For Lennie, they're the sun and the moon; one boy takes her out of her sorrow, the other comforts her in it. But just like their celestial counterparts, they can't collide without the whole wide world exploding.

------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

I try to fend off the oceanic sadness, but I can't. It's such a colossal effort not to be haunted by what's lost, but to be enchanted by what was.

I miss you, I tell her, I can't stand that you're going to miss so much.

I don't know how the heart withstands it.

I'm unsure how to review this book because there are really only so many ways I can call it brilliant and beautiful and wonderful.  This book is...it's everything. 

It's been awhile since a book made me cry and clutch at it, but here it is: I wept. I carried this book with me everywhere as I paced around the house, reading it and trying to slow down to savor and process.  I could feel Lennie's grief just emanating off the pages, her feelings of loss and being so lost and confused and searching for meaning among everything.  When I first read the book jacket I kind of assumed I'd be mad at her (like Sarah) for turning to Toby since he was her dead sister's boyfriend, y'know? But it's so beautifully crafted and makes so much sense that I felt proud of Lennie when she knew it was wrong and started resisting - something I have no idea if I'd be strong enough to do if I was in her position.  

This entire novel is just...beautiful. It's emotional and poetic and filled with such wonder and is so heartfelt and raw that I can't tell you fast enough how much I want the entire world to read it and know its beauty.  It's so well-written; Jandy Nelson's words just pop off the pages and paint the brightest, most evocative pictures. I feel like I know Joe Fontaine, can see his flailing hands and lightbulb-wattage personality.

I don't know what else to say. Just trust me when I tell you I recommend this more than anything right now, that you will never regret letting these words and this story come into your life.

5 Stars / 5

and millions more!

Review: Amy & Roger's Epic Detour by Morgan Matson

Simon & Schuster, 344 Pages
Release Date: May 4, 2010
Grade: YA (15+) Some sexual content

Amy Curry thinks her life sucks. Her mom decides to move from California to Connecticut to start anew—just in time for Amy's senior year. Her dad recently died in a car accident. So Amy embarks on a road trip to escape from it all, driving cross-country from the home she's always known toward her new life. Joining Amy on the road trip is Roger, the son of Amy's mother's old friend. Amy hasn’t seen him in years, and she is less than thrilled to be driving across the country with a guy she barely knows. So she's surprised to find that she is developing a crush on him. At the same time, she’s coming to terms with her father’s death and how to put her own life back together after the accident. Told in traditional narrative as well as scraps from the road—diner napkins, motel receipts, postcards—this is the story of one girl's journey to find herself.

---------------Goodreads Summary

Notable Quote
"There sometimes isn't much difference between a knight's quest and a fool's errand."

5 stars / 5

OMG. Is it possible to have a perfect book? Because I'm fairly certain this is it.  Anything and everything you could possibly want out of a novel is in here. Strong protagonist who has lost her way due to a tragedy and embarks, if not reluctantly, on a trip to find herself?  Adorable sidekick boy who cheers her up and becomes her friend while unknowingly seeking his own journey that crosses perfectly with hers?  A fabulous trip across the country with pictures, interesting details, funny insights, and playlists?  IT'S ALL HERE.

I was a little worried moving through the book that it would all seem too cheesy (two strangers forced to road trip together...we can fairly predict where it will go), but it really, truly was not. Everything flowed well and the progression of their friendship and individual growth was excellently paced and very real. The little touches of photos and other scrapbook paraphernalia were fantastic, adding one more element that made this book such a stand-out.

I really think this is the closest a book can get to perfection. Even the tragedy and struggles Amy and her family are going through are crafted so perfectly, where your heart goes out to them and you feel the loss and sadness just emanating from the pages. Somehow a book that had almost none of Amy's family physically on the trip was all about them.

Two things, though.  I was incredibly distracted by the use of "but" in the novel.  Did anyone else think that it seemed to be used improperly? I kept seeing it in paragraphs where the two sentences weren't really contrasting.  (No? Just me? I'm the weird one? Moving on...)

Lastly, I read a hardcover version from the library, I think a first print? Anyway, there was a small typo that made me laugh:

Amy's gangster, yo.