Review: Rites of Passage by Joy Hensley (ARC)

Rites of Passage by Joy Hensley
HarperTeen, 416 Pages
US Release Date: September 9, 2014
Format/Source: ARC via Around the World Tours - thank you!

Sam McKenna’s never turned down a dare. And she's not going to start with the last one her brother gave her before he died.

So Sam joins the first-ever class of girls at the prestigious Denmark Military Academy. She’s expecting push-ups and long runs, rope climbing and mud-crawling. As a military brat, she can handle an obstacle course just as well as the boys. She's even expecting the hostility she gets from some of the cadets who don’t think girls belong there. What she’s not expecting is her fiery attraction to her drill sergeant. But dating is strictly forbidden and Sam won't risk her future, or the dare, on something so petty...no matter how much she wants him.

As Sam struggles to prove herself, she discovers that some of the boys don’t just want her gone—they will stop at nothing to drive her out. When their petty threats turn to brutal hazing, bleeding into every corner of her life, she realizes they are not acting alone. A decades-old secret society is alive and active… and determined to force her out.
At any cost.

Now time's running short. Sam must decide who she can trust...and choosing the wrong person could have deadly consequences. 
----------------Goodreads Summary

Notable Quote

"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are an ocean in a drop."

This isn’t the end, right? RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?!?

Not that it isn’t a fantastically full book now, you know. I’m just saying, I’d like to know what happens…after. What happens to him, and to her, and them, and…yeah.

Rites of Passage was a surprise read for me, in a lot of ways. If you’ve been a longtime reader of my blog, you know my military stuff—and I was a little scared it would trigger something. But it was an entire other facet to military life, and I found it so interesting and eye-opening. I’ve heard stories and known people who went to military academies or schools, but this is the first I’ve ever taken the time to let details sink in.

I was also surprised at the depth and complication in this story. There’s more to it than an Army BRAT feeling the need to prove herself in a military family and military world. That’s there, of course-but add in family things, romance things, friends things, facing the academy as one of the first girls admitted, the hazing and bruises and behind-closed-doors smokes (not quite what you’re thinking, I swear)…there’s a lot going on, and it all intertwines masterfully.

The romance. Drill. Oh BOY. I liked that Sam’s feelings for Drill were actually…not that big of a deal in the book. I mean, it’s a big deal since that’s strictly forbidden, but this story wasn’t just their hidden feelings. It was just a small part to the larger plot, and it worked so well. And that’s a big deal for me to say: I’d take romance over everything else any day! But in Rites of Passage, it was a great element that enhanced an already full and compelling story. A great little part of the whole.

This is one of the few books I’ve read this year that really captivated me, that really made me clutch at the pages and wonder what was going to happen. I read pretty fast in general, but I couldn’t read fast enough to know what was going to happen and who would do what and would Sam be ok?! There were so many moments of fear, of hope, of pride, of feelings and emotions as I went with Sam through her first year and watched her fight and struggle for her place at the Academy. There were bright spots, like Drill and her Alpha friends; and there were dark spots, like the Society and just how cruel and far they went. But all of it together was phenomenal.

Rites of Passage is a compelling, brilliant story of a Strong Girl fighting for her place, of a girl out to prove her worth and so much more. Following Sam and her story was heart-wrenching and breathtaking and a little bit terrifying—but I’m so glad I did.

But seriously. SECOND BOOK!!

4.5 stars

Review: Pushing the Limits by Katie McGarry (eARC)

Pushing the Limits by Katie McGarry
Harlequin Teen, 409 Pages
US Release Date: July 24, 2012
Format: eARC
Source: Publisher, via NetGalley (thank you!)

SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER...AND YET SO RIGHT.

No one knows what happened the night Echo Emerson went from popular girl with jock boyfriend to gossiped-about outsider with “freaky” scars on her arms. Even Echo can’t remember the whole truth of that horrible night. All she knows is that she wants everything to go back to normal.

But when Noah Hutchins, the smoking hot, girl-using loner in the black leather jacket, explodes into her life with his tough attitude and surprising understanding, Echo’s world shifts in ways she could never have imagined. They should have nothing in common. And with the secrets they both keep, being together is pretty much impossible.

Yet the crazy attraction between them refuses to go away. And Echo has to ask herself just how far they can push the limits and what she’ll risk for the one guy who might teach her how to love again.
-----------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

Shit, what if she did trust me? What would I do with it?

I went into this novel with a lot of expectations - I heard nothing but great things about it from other bloggers, read absolutely raving reviews, and when I was at ALA this was a book everyone was speaking of. High expectations, lots of potential to be let down.

But I wasn't. Oh, I absolutely was NOT.

I don't know if I'm as stark raving mad about it as a few other reviewers, but I can tell you that everything you've heard is absolutely true. This story is gripping and gut wrenching and just rips your heart to shreds at the same time as filling it to the brim. There's emotion dripping off each page, angst and real heart in every word. This is a story worthy of the heartsickness it will cause.

First and foremost, we have to discuss Noah. Oh, Noah. If ever the prototype bad boy to fall for, it's him. And while I totally get all the swoonage for him, he just didn't do it for me - but that's entirely a personal thing. I think my bad boy will always be the Will from Infernal Devices; he's snarky and rebellious for half-pompous and half-noble reasons. Noah's a bad boy because he actually does bad shit. And even if most of it comes from a good place or with good intentions, it's still bad. Regardless, I found myself falling in love with him, too. He's so hard and vulnerable at the same time, so filled with love and anger that he's this passionate guy with aggression as the only way to express it. Something I loved with him is that I never doubted his capacity to love Echo. In some bad boy characters, they're just so hard-hearted and cruel that I think the love story is forced - but not with Noah. His fists fly, but his heart is huge, too, and there's no way to resist that.

Echo was a little harder for me to love, but I can't quite pinpoint why. I think I just wanted to shake her and tell her to man the hell up. She was a little too weak for my tastes. And while I can get why, her progression just wasn't fast enough for me to love. Still, her character is great, and everything she's endured makes how tentative she is easily understood. I'm probably being quite cavalier saying she should be stronger, actually, because the crap she's gone through with her mom, and not being able to remember it...well, I'd probably be crumbling in a corner. And that she's just lost her brother in Iraq on top of that all? I couldn't survive that.

There were a lot of elements of this story that surprised me. All I'd ever heard was the smokin' hot boy and their smoldering romance - and yeah, that's definitely what I focus on. But there are smaller details that I truly loved, too. Like why Echo is named that, and her brother being named Aires. Or the friendships - or lack thereof, when it comes to that heinous bitch Grace. I hated her. But the friends that did stick by Echo in the aftermath, and Noah's friends...those are friendships worth fighting for. Or Aires, who was an element I was completely taken aback by - we know my military hangups, and it made it that much harder to read because there was one specific scene that just...killed me. I literally dropped my iPad and started sobbing because it is a thought that haunts me.

But what I did love was how real the hurt was throughout this book. It's tough to see some of these things written, even though I've never experienced anything like what Echo or Noah have gone or go through. It's a lot of those inner fears and thoughts we can't admit to having, because we're afraid that will make them true. While it made it difficult to get through, it also made it impossible to put down.

My favourite character? Mrs. Collins, the counselor. Hands down. She was batshit crazy (driving, especially - loved all those moments in the car with Noah!), but she was a good woman, and I loved her belief in Noah and Echo. In a book where all the adult characters probably deserve a good room in hell, she was a breathe of fresh air with a side of funny, too.

One question. Why did the horrible babysitter-turned-stepmom have to be named Ashley?! I mean, really.

4.5 Stars / 5

Review: Personal Effects by EM Kokie (ARC)

Personal Effects by EM Kokie
Candlewick Press, 352 pages
Expected US Release Date: September 11, 2012
Format: ARC
Source: DAC Arc Tours (thank you!)
Challenge: Debut Author Challenge

After his older brother dies in Iraq, Matt makes a discovery that rocks his beliefs about strength, bravery, and honor in this page-turning debut.

Ever since his brother, T.J., was killed in Iraq, Matt feels like he’s been sleepwalking through life — failing classes, getting into fights, and avoiding his dad’s lectures about following in his brother’s footsteps. T.J.’s gone, but Matt can’t shake the feeling that if only he could get his hands on his brother’s stuff from Iraq, he’d be able to make sense of his death. But as Matt searches for answers about T.J.’s death, he faces a shocking revelation about T.J.’s life that suggests he may not have known T.J. as well as he thought. What he learns challenges him to stand up to his father, honor his brother’s memory, and take charge of his own life. With compassion, humor, and a compelling narrative voice, E. M. Kokie explores grief, social mores, and self-discovery in a provocative first novel.
---------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

...maybe he was trying to figure out if he could tell me, or if he should tell me, or how. Maybe he was already getting ready to leave for good, leave me behind, and didn't know how to tell me that. Whatever it was, I didn't ask because I figured, ultimately, whatever was in his head was about death.

It never occurred to me it could be about life.

If you've read my review of Something Like Normal by Trish Doller, you know how personal military issues are to me. I'm not going to retype everything (if you want to know, it's the first paragraph in the link there!), but I'll shorten it: I have lost someone to the war, I have watched loved ones come and go from it, I have watched friend's endure the losing, worrying and return of soldiers, and I currently have 3 friends serving in Afghanistan. It is impossible for me to approach books that focus on the military impartially, and I will not apologize for that. They are real to me, and these are real stories. I know people with these stories, and it would dishonor them to keep them separate.

That said, something I love about military-centric books are how absolutely different they can be. There are so many facets to war and the military; who experiences, how one experiences it, who we all know experiencing it. I am grateful to say that most of Personal Effects is an area of the military life I don't know - and I know that sounds mean, but I promise it is not.

Matt Foster's dad is the embodiment of all things I hate about gung-ho military men. The meathead ones, the cruel ones, the ones who abuse their kid and bully them into thinking military = only option, military = the Right Way of life, military = manliness. The ones who think toting a gun makes you worthy, the ones who think the trenches are the only way to become someone, and that any man who doesn't have that goal is dishonorable and a "fairy." Any person can go ahead and think that - it's not my place to tell you your thoughts and opinions are wrong - but the ones who hit their kid and drill it into them with verbal jabs and demeaning slurs? I reject them. They are not men. They are less than men, and human in only the literal sense.

I think having such a strong reaction to Matt's dad helped me get through this book - instead of getting immediately sad and filled with the drowning sense of loss I normally do, I was filled with anger and indignation and was able to read on. This is a nod to EM Kokie's writing, in the only way I know how: I hate this type of man, but I wanted nothing more than to read on about him and what he does to Matt and their lives. Her characterization of him is amazing and real, and he is easily the dozens of guys and girls I know who are like him. Even after finishing the book, I hate him; but I appreciate his character.

Since I'm already on characters, I'll tackle that first. You immediately feel for Matt, and even though I don't endorse fighting, I do like his evolution. Sometimes I wish he'd grow a pair, but I understand his personality so well; and truthfully, if he ever stopped being so internal and closed off, it just wouldn't fit him. There is a depth to Matt that took me by surprise, and happily so. TJ is the driving force to the novel, and even though he's rarely here in the story, I do love who we come to know. He's a great big brother to Matt, and my admiration and sadness of his situation only increased the more I read. Shauna is the only one I thought to be a little one-dimensional, but her function as a friend and girl is fantastic and I love her for what she is to Matt. 

So, let's get on with the important thing: the story. Guys, this story broke my heart and left my gut twisted and wrenched in every which way. I want to cry for Matt for the first half of the book, and I actually did for him and everyone involved at the end of the book. I can't spoil it - it would be shameful to wreck what you will come to know and be so invested in - but trust me when I say that this is a story worth reading. That it needs to be read. That this is someone's story, a lot of someone's stories, and the world would be a better place if people took this book, devoured it as I did and found what is there: grief, acceptance, and dealing with the parts of life we have to hide because someone has belittled it. The parts we have to hide because people don't accept it. The parts that we have to hide because maybe you could die for it.

I can't actually talk about the last half of the book, because I fear what I will inadvertently spoil - just know that it's a fairly big surprise. I started to suspect as we get to read some of the letters from TJ's personal effects, but I was never certain. Going through the journey with Matt, trying to understand TJ's life and his death...it's so emotional and real and absolutely special. When you finally learn the truth of things...oh god. I can't even. I was floored and swept away and absolutely riveted to what was going on and how Matt would react. And there is literally one line, that is seven words long, that absolutely broke my heart and opened the floodgates.

Here's the thing: yes, this book is about a military family. Yes, someone is killed in war. Yes, the entire book revolves around TJ's personal effects and what they reveal. And yes, that's pretty much the focus of my entire review. But really? It's not about the military. This is so much more than that: it's about who we are to some people, and who we are to others. It's about our true selves. It is about learning who you are, learning who you can be, learning that some limitations don't have to be your boundary. It's about understanding the truth of love, and just how much that can get a person through. And mostly, it's about perceptions: yours, someone else's, and the flexibility of all of them.

4.5 Stars

Review: Something Like Normal by Trish Doller (ARC)

Something Like Normal by Trish Doller
Bloomsbury Childrens, 224 Pages
Expected US Release Date: June 19, 2012
Format: eARC / ARC*
Source: NetGalley & Kimberly Sabatini (thank you NetGalley & Bloomsbury, and Kim!)

Challenges: Debut Author Challenge, Completely Contemporary Challenge, YA Contemporary Challenge

When Travis returns home from a stint in Afghanistan, his parents are splitting up, his brother’s stolen his girlfriend and his car, and he’s haunted by nightmares of his best friend’s death. It’s not until Travis runs into Harper, a girl he’s had a rocky relationship with since middle school, that life actually starts looking up. And as he and Harper see more of each other, he begins to pick his way through the minefield of family problems and post-traumatic stress to the possibility of a life that might resemble normal again. Travis’s dry sense of humor, and incredible sense of honor, make him an irresistible and eminently lovable hero.
---------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

I can't tell them the things they really want to know. How it feels to kill someone. It's different for everyone, but I felt a rush of adrenaline. A fleeting triumph. And later, in the night when it was quiet, the guilt hit like a sucker punch. Because, even though he was trying to kill me, I'd taken someone's life. These are things I've tried to leave in Afghanistan. Otherwise, how am I ever going to live with myself?

I'm going to get all this out of the way at the very beginning. And if I say it quick, maybe it'll hurt less. A very close childhood friend was killed in Iraq on December 13, 2005 by a roadside bomb. It wrecked his humvee and killed him and one other in his platoon. He was like a brother to me as a child, and I miss him every day. In college, a boy I was very close with and meant a lot to me was deployed suddenly to Iraq and Afghanistan - he's fine, home and retired from the Army now, but the fear and worry as I watched him leave, endure, and return linger, and the memories don't fade. One of my best friend's brother went through 2 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and returned without his best friend. As I type, I have 3 friends who are currently in Afghanistan, and I worry about them constantly and consistently.

Something Like Normal was not an easy book for me to read because every thought Travis had, every story he recounted and emotion he went through was projected onto someone I know personally. Charlie could have been my childhood friend, Travis could have been my best friend's brother, memories of nights spent in trenches and crappy food are what my friends are going through right now. If you follow me on Twitter, you know I had a hard time. I had to put it down twice because I started crying too hard, getting majorly overwhelmed with sadness and/or emotions. I finally set aside a day where I was ready to break down, have a good cry and fall in love with Travis and the rest of this story.

And let me tell you, all of it was entirely worth it. Beyond worth it.

A few people told me maybe I shouldn't read it if it was wrecking me too much - and I concede that maybe that would have been easier. But I loved the premise, and the fact that I could relate to this so much was a driving reason why I wanted to read it. That's one of the reasons why I love books; to connect, to feel and find myself in every page. There were also a few who told me to try not to get so personally attached to it; to which I say 1) that's also big reason why I read it, and 2) WAY easier said than done. If someone told you his personal account of moving through trenches while bombs were going off behind him, bullets were soaring towards him, and how he experienced auditory silence because of it...that's not something you can just disconnect from.

From strictly a reader's point of view, this book is absolutely amazing. Travis is such a strong character with an even stronger voice that just leaps off the pages. Half the day I think I may run into him at the grocery store he's so real. Harper is equally as strong, the perfect woman to take on Travis and all his issues. I loved their relationship together and how they slowly grow to trust each other and have this amazing give-and-take between them. Each secondary character is also done so well, making you love or hate them for very direct and dimensional reasons. Every person has their own unique and nuanced personality, no matter if it's being discussed the entire book, three chapters, or half a page.

The story itself is also phenomenal; sad and happy and difficult and raw, with real emotions and struggles. Kimberly Sabatini (hi Kim!) said in her review of it on Goodreads that this book had "endless depth and layers," which is just the PERFECT way to describe it. Everything Travis has to deal with just made my insides hurt for him, from family problems to reacclimatizing to "normal" life, to the death of his best friend right in front of his eyes. His PTSD was terrifying and made my heart hurt for him, written so thoroughly and well that I just want to hug every soldier I see in the hopes to ease any lingering effects. Travis's struggle with admitting it and then what to do with his nightmares was so heart wrenching; and I have to say that one of my favourite things was his struggle with it because of how it may affect his career with the Marines. Dealing with it is an emotional issue, but I rarely see the truth of how it would be viewed in the military and with other soldiers mentioned. I quite loved the mention/use of photos within the plot too - a perfect example of how what's photographed and printed about War may not be quite what it's framed to be.

I can't not mention Trish Doller's writing, too - it's so strong and fabulous. There's just the right amount of detail to break your heart or make you fall in love all over again; I seriously had a breakdown reading the line "Rock-paper-scissors was the way we decided everything, and it's only now I realize Charlie almost always thew rock." - because after all we know about Travis, Charlie and their relationship, it just struck me as so wonderfully heartbreaking. How she wrote his life, Travis's thoughts, the memories and struggles...it all feels so REAL. It flows perfectly, and I flew through the pages.

As someone who read this book with so many personal ties, I fell in love, shed tears, and wondered how someone could get everything on the pages so right. Every emotion was spot on, from Travis's mom worrying, to the stress of why someone enlisted, to making life work when someone is gone, to figuring out how to mesh Past Life with Enlisted Life and Future...it's brilliant. While I myself am not in the Marines so my own experiences can only extend so far, I recognize a lot of things told to me from friends, soldiers and others who went through or are going through this. I want to give this book to everyone: military men to know they're not alone, friends with military friends so they know what they may face, anyone who's ever seen a soldier so they can just understand. Even someone who has no ties, no experience, no ANYTHING to do with this should read it, because it's just that beautiful.

This is probably the longest review I've ever written, and there are still SO many things I want to say. Every time I try to end it, I think of something else I want to talk about! While I will spare your reading eyes, just trust me when I say this book will take you through one of the rawest, roughest journeys in contemporary YA today - and you will feel so grateful to have experienced it. The story works its way through your heart and soul, leaving little touches everywhere - and I feel so lucky to have it with me.

There will never be enough medals for this book, but the best I can do is stars:

5 Stars / 5

PS. As an aside, I want to thank Trish for being such a wonderful person; she saw the struggle I was having with it on Twitter and was absolutely incredible about it. I mean, she told me to stop reading if it was triggering too many things! Not only does that mean she really understands the subject matter of her book, but you have to be a commendable person at heart to be an author telling a reader not to read her book. Few people have that much care and compassion, and I'm grateful Trish is one of them. Ms. Doller, you have my endless support.

*I was given an eARC from NetGalley, but my iPad decided not to cooperate ~40 pages in. Luckily, almost directly after that the wonderful Kimberly Sabatini had a contest for her ARC and I won - so I finished out the novel from the ARC. Sorry for confusion, but big thanks to Kim, NetGalley and Bloomsbury!

Review: In Honor by Jessi Kirby

In Honor by Jessi Kirby
Simon & Schuster, 240 Pages
Expected US Release Date: May 8, 2012
Challenge: Sophomore Reading Challenge, Contemporary Challenge, Completely Contemporary Challenge
Source: Purchased (LA Times Festival of Books)

Hours after her brother’s military funeral, Honor opens the last letter Finn ever sent. In her grief, she interprets his note as a final request and spontaneously decides to go to California to fulfill it.

Honor gets as far as the driveway before running into Rusty, Finn’s best friend since third grade and his polar opposite. She hasn’t seen Rusty in ages, but it’s obvious he is as arrogant and stubborn as ever—not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. Despite Honor’s better judgment, the two set off together on a voyage from Texas to California. Along the way, they find small and sometimes surprising ways to ease their shared loss and honor Finn’s memory—but when shocking truths are revealed at the end of the road, will either of them be able to cope with the consequences?
-----------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

He loved you. And that's what you do for people you love. You do what you can to help 'em out, give things up if that's what needs to happen. It's not that complicated.

I thought I'd be ok reading this book, because even though there are parts that related quite closely to my life, it was just far removed enough that I thought it wouldn't be too bad. I've lost someone in the War, but not my brother. I've gone through terrifying moments where I thought I'd lost my brother, but I haven't. There are things I've done to honor people, but never to this extent.  So I kept thinking that I was good, that this was just another story.

I cried in the second paragraph. For those who don't have a copy, that's the FIRST DAMN PAGE. When Honor mentioned Taps, I just lost it. I'm sure everyone knows just how beautiful and morphic (my Mac tells me that's not a word but I don't care!) Taps can be...when I hear it, depending on the weather, time of day, and what's going on in my life it can be anything from hopeful to in memory to mournful to just another song.  But to a military BRAT like myself, Taps is an entire entity - it encompasses lives and thoughts and stories all in one. And this line is so, so very true: "It occurs to me that I'd never actually heard Taps played in real life." Because generally, you won't ever: it's played over a speaker at a set time on base, or on TV. Or if you do, it's during a large Navy band performance. But when you hear it live in front of you, through one trumpet, for someone...it means something to you. The last time I heard it was at a close friend's dad's funeral, a veteran. I cried then, I cried when I read it now.

Moving along from all the emotions (and there were A LOT)...

It's amazing how powerful it is to enter a novel during a brother's funeral. It's such an immediate connection to the characters, and you feel so much towards them. You feel raw and intimate right along with them, and you'll follow them through anything they go through on the pages. I don't question why Honor immediately decided to take Finn up on his "request" to tell Kyra Kelly about her handsome older brother.

Truthfully, I don't know how to review such a beautiful story. It's such a powerful journey that Honor and Rusty embark on, filled with confusion and hopelessness that slowly grows into meaning and how you can move on without someone. It really does honor her brother, especially as you learn just how selfless and loving he really was. Everything was done really well, with just the right amount of give-and-take between Rusty and Honor, fun and adventurous plot points to balance the serious and introspective ones; and an entire feeling of acceptance.

Each character was crafted perfectly too, especially Honor: her emotions as she moved through her grief were so real it hurt me to read about. The anger and guilt people go through is real, but often left out since it feels shameful, and I'm glad Jessi Kirby not only touched on it, but highlighted them as well. It's an important part of the process, and it's strong to meet them head on.

I loved the brother + sister connection between Honor and Finn, as well as the bond between Honor and Rusty since he was her brother's best friend. I'm a younger sister, and I'm incredibly close with my brother; Honor's actions, thoughts, how she wanted to hang around with them all the time and was hurt when they were finally growing up and not wanting the "kid sister" around...it's so accurate and so true, Jessi Kirby really nailed all the feelings that come with being a younger who feels left out and left behind.

And maybe this will be weird considering what my first few paragraphs in the review were, but I was quite glad this story was more than just Brother Killed in Iraq. While, yes, I think that's important and meaningful on its own, Jessi Kirby elevates the novel to more than just a trip in memoriam, done to honor Finn and his life. It's the story of Honor as she learns to be on her own, really on her own; the story of Rusty and how he can honor his fallen friend; the story of how to grow when circumstance forces you to.

I was pleasantly surprised at how happy I was through the book, too, and that I laughed. I know my review makes it seem like some sobfest, but it's actually not - it's filled with a lot of heart, a lot of good memories and laughter. Rusty is the source of a lot of it, since he's that perfect boy character of disarming and charming all at once - I felt like I could see that smirk on his face. Even though I cried, there were always smiles to pull me through.

And the ending. OH THE ENDING. I obviously won't say anything about it, but it's just so perfect and fitting. Maybe some will say it's "too" perfect, but...it's perfect for this journey. For everything Honor and Rusty go through, for all the fights and tears and memories they have to sift through...I could never want more from it.

Really the only thing I could complain about is that it's only 280 pages. I want more Honor and Rusty!

I beg of you to read this book, because it will open your heart to all the emotions we're so afraid and terrified to have, to all the feelings we would never wish on anyone - and it's a wonderful, beautiful journey.

5 Stars / 5

(more if I could!)