Review: Between You & Me by Marisa Calin (ARC)

Between You & Me by Marisa Calin
Bloomsbury Children, 242 Pages
US Release Date: August 7, 2012
Format: ARC
Source: Jen from Novel Thoughts, via ARCycling (thank you!)

Phyre knows there is something life-changing about her new drama teacher, Mia, from the moment they meet. As Phyre rehearses for the school play, she comes to realize that the unrequited feelings she has for Mia go deeper than she’s ever experienced. Especially with a teacher. Or a woman. All the while, Phyre’s best friend—addressed throughout the story in the second person, as "you"—stands by, ready to help Phyre make sense of her feelings. But just as Mia doesn’t understand what Phyre feels, Phyre can’t fathom the depth of her best friend’s feelings . . . until it’s almost too late for a happy ending. Characters come to life through the innovative screenplay format of this dazzling debut, and unanswered questions—is "you" male or female?—will have readers talking.
--------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

HARMONY: I've had a hundred crushes. There's a lot to be attracted to in this world. There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm kind of in love with the concept of this book, you guys. That it's written in a screenplay format, and that the best friend is simply referred to as "YOU"...it's unique and intriguing and, frankly, quite brilliant.

This is kind of a weird thing to say I feel, but one of the things I liked best about this book is how...normal it all is. Phyre is a drama student, and a lot of the time those characters are stereotyped into an extreme: either sitting in the corner, super off-beat and wearing a black beret, or just outlandish and over the top and a bit annoying. But Phyre...she's unique, and loud, and out there, but she's also just a normal teenage girl. She embarrasses herself, she has doubts, she volunteers in class sometimes and sits back sometimes. It's refreshing to have an average teenage girl as a main character when it could have gone so many ways.

The story itself is a bit normal: girl begins to have feelings for an enigmatic, new person in her life, and now she struggles to figure it all out. It's a bit elevated by the fact that the new, enigmatic person is a girl - which Phyre has never desired before. But still, the trajectory and the feelings remain the same as it would for a boy/girl situation, and I can't say I was surprised by any parts of the story. What you think will happen, probably will and does.

Not that that's a bad thing though! I loved it. I loved getting to experience Phyre's mixed emotions and doubt, seeing her friendship with "YOU" and sorting it all to make sense. Every reader who picks this up will recognize the feelings and indecision in it; we've all gone through it, and Marisa Calin captures it perfectly.

The best part of this novel though is that even though it seems to focus a lot on the fact Phyre finds herself falling for her female teacher, it really is about Phyre and "YOU". Amongst all the angst, it's about the friendship between Phyre and her best friend, and what happens between them. How they struggle sometimes, how they make up, how the best friend is really there for her whenever she needs him/her. The title is perfection, because ultimately, that is the story, and it is best that way. It's a nice, gentle reminder that even though the love interest can take up all the time, right there behind, steady and true, is the best friend.

4.5 Stars / 5

Review: Speechless by Hannah Harrington (ARC)

Speechless by Hannah Harrington
HarlequinTeen, 263 Pages
US Release Date: August 28, 2012
Format: ARC
Source: Publisher at ALA Annual 2012 (thanks HarlequinTeen!)

Everyone knows that Chelsea Knot can't keep a secret.

Until now. Because the last secret she shared turned her into a social outcast—and nearly got someone killed.

Now Chelsea has taken a vow of silence—to learn to keep her mouth shut, and to stop hurting anyone else. And if she thinks keeping secrets is hard, not speaking up when she's ignored, ridiculed and even attacked is worse.

But there's strength in silence, and in the new friends who are, shockingly, coming her way—people she never noticed before; a boy she might even fall for. If only her new friends can forgive what she's done. If only she can forgive herself.
------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

It's too easy to confuse friendship with something more. Especially when you're looking for it.

**WARNING: I SPEAK VERY OPENLY ABOUT THE SECRET CHELSEA SPILLS.

IN OTHER WORDS: SPOILER ALERT. 

While I don't think it's a big deal and it doesn't necessarily give away anything else to the book if you know what it is she blabs, I'm aware that some people won't want to know going in. If you are one of those people, DO NOT READ ANY FARTHER. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!**

One of my favourite things about Speechless is the emphasis it puts on words and just how powerful they are. Yes, on voice and speaking, but at the core, it's about words, and what they mean to you and about you, and just what can result from them.

Speechless focuses on Chelsea Knot and the vow of silence she takes after seeing the consequences when she opens her big mouth. We open at a new years party where she blurts out a big secret in all her drunken glory. I have no idea what I thought the secret would be when I was reading all the synopses about this book, but the moment I realized what it was that Chelsea was going to blab about that would almost get someone killed...my heart just broke in half. Gay rights are something I take incredibly, incredibly seriously. Few things will get me political or riled up, but the fight for equality is the highest on my list. Just because I will fall in love with a man does not mean I should have more rights than anyone else who falls in love, and I will battle anyone who says differently. Fiercely.

So when I understood what was going to happen when Chelsea spills the beans about seeing two guys hooking up at the party to her asshole best friend and her lunkhead boyfriend, I knew this would be a book worth reading.

Truthfully, a bit of it seemed extreme, and I got really annoyed by Chelsea sometimes. She's selfish through most of the book, and I couldn't stand her outlook. She questioned if she was right to turn in the guys who nearly killed someone! That makes me so angry. Only in retrospect can I understand why she questioned herself, and perhaps if I was still a high schooler I would have some second thoughts. But she did the right thing, and that she helped catch those awful boys? That is worth anything, and I just wanted her to see that and get over her crappy social life. I did appreciate Hannah Harrington's writing of Chelsea's indecision and questions though - it lends a whole other depth to the character and really helps the reader understand who she is. (And yes, I understand that without her doubt, there would hardly be any plot to the book. But still.)

A saw a lot of reviews talking about the vow of silence and how it seemed a bit "unreal." I can tell you that this is really a thing, and I think she wrote it perfectly. People do it, and people stick to it. One of my brother's best friend's took a vow of silence for Lent this year - not for any reason like Chelsea, but just to do it. And let me tell you: he carried around paper, white boards, and a tablet so he could write/type out orders to get food or communicate with us. It was bizarre and difficult and frustrating a lot of the times, but he stuck to it for quite awhile (he went a bit over the 40 days) - and while I don't know what he took away from it, I got quite a bit from being an outsider. The importance of communication, the meaning of words and being able to speak out and up for yourself, and choosing your battles.

Reading Speechless was kind of fun for me because I saw a lot of what we went through on the page, and I felt like I got a bit more from it. The varying responses and reactions to it, easy acceptance or outright name-calling, her own struggles with if she should talk or when to start talking again...all nailed perfectly. There's power in silence and observation, and I love that Chelsea got picked on for it. I know it's weird to like that a character was being bullied, but it really did portray such a realistic view. I hated her school though, and what horrible people most of them were. How could they be mad at her for turning in those assholes?! This is a hate crime, and they needed to face that.

But I did love the friends that came from unexpected people. I loved Asha, mostly because she reminds me of a lot of my own friends. Kind of an oddball, but totally owns it? Yes. The world (real and YA) need more of those girls. She was perfect and quietly strong, and I secretly hope she gets her own spin off book. The diner was such a fun haven, and I wish I had something like that. And I adored Andy, because his and Chelsea's eventual friendship makes so much sense.

In Saving June, Hannah Harrington's other novel (read my review here!), the characters drove the story for me. In Speechless, it's the relationships. Not just romantic, but all of them. Chelsea's twisted and poisonous friendship with Kristen (That horrible bitch. I'm not sure I've ever run across a character I hated more) that's both infuriating and completely understandable; the owners of the diner with all their employees, because I dream of having my bosses be like that; Andy and Noah, who just filled my heart with so much love and hope; Noah's outlook on the world, because even after what he goes through he can say the line "hate is...it's too easy...love. love takes courage" and make me choke from weeping in the middle of a Coffee Bean (true story).

Two relationships got me the most though. The first being Chelsea's and her parents - I love how different her mom and dad are from each other, but the support they offer their daughter in the weird, tough time is amazing. It's a strong relationship at the core, even if her mom is frustrated with her or her dad is giving her a stern voice, and it's refreshing to see that in a YA book. And of course the second relationship I loved is Chelsea and Sam, hesitant maybe-friend turned into love interest. I'm not even joking when I tell you guys there is literally one line in the book that made me go "Yes. This is when I fell in love with Sam." - there's a post it*! Sam is just...everything we want in a romantic male lead. He is quirky and nerdy and friendly and a little bit unsure of Chelsea but still offers her a lifeline, and I just want him forever. He is strong and questioning and vulnerable in all the right places, and I completely and totally believe in him.

How Chelsea breaks her silence was also perfect to me - I started wondering how it would happen about halfway through. When my friend was doing his Vow of Silence, it became this big question: how would he break it? Shouldn't it be meaningful? Doesn't it have to be some big revelation and grand epiphany about life? When you intentionally silence yourself, the pressure to speak becomes BIG. With Speechless, I worried that it would be contrived or forced, that it would wreck all the personality we find in Chelsea. But how it's done, why it's done...it's perfect. Understated but meaningful, and, like Sam, I believe in it. Though Chelsea was never my favourite person in the book, how she broke her silence definitely made me like her lots more.

Speechless is a great book, with lots of little messages buried in one big, important one. There's humor and laughter and true friendship mixed in with the sadness and negativity, and even though sometimes the future is bleak in Chelsea Knot's world, it ultimately ends with hope and love. And that's really what I think this novel is: words and love.

*PS. Told you there was a post-it!

4.5 Stars

Speechless is also partnered with the LOVE IS LOUDER project, a movement with a fantastic message. I encourage you to check it.

Review: Personal Effects by EM Kokie (ARC)

Personal Effects by EM Kokie
Candlewick Press, 352 pages
Expected US Release Date: September 11, 2012
Format: ARC
Source: DAC Arc Tours (thank you!)
Challenge: Debut Author Challenge

After his older brother dies in Iraq, Matt makes a discovery that rocks his beliefs about strength, bravery, and honor in this page-turning debut.

Ever since his brother, T.J., was killed in Iraq, Matt feels like he’s been sleepwalking through life — failing classes, getting into fights, and avoiding his dad’s lectures about following in his brother’s footsteps. T.J.’s gone, but Matt can’t shake the feeling that if only he could get his hands on his brother’s stuff from Iraq, he’d be able to make sense of his death. But as Matt searches for answers about T.J.’s death, he faces a shocking revelation about T.J.’s life that suggests he may not have known T.J. as well as he thought. What he learns challenges him to stand up to his father, honor his brother’s memory, and take charge of his own life. With compassion, humor, and a compelling narrative voice, E. M. Kokie explores grief, social mores, and self-discovery in a provocative first novel.
---------------------Goodreads summary

Notable Quote

...maybe he was trying to figure out if he could tell me, or if he should tell me, or how. Maybe he was already getting ready to leave for good, leave me behind, and didn't know how to tell me that. Whatever it was, I didn't ask because I figured, ultimately, whatever was in his head was about death.

It never occurred to me it could be about life.

If you've read my review of Something Like Normal by Trish Doller, you know how personal military issues are to me. I'm not going to retype everything (if you want to know, it's the first paragraph in the link there!), but I'll shorten it: I have lost someone to the war, I have watched loved ones come and go from it, I have watched friend's endure the losing, worrying and return of soldiers, and I currently have 3 friends serving in Afghanistan. It is impossible for me to approach books that focus on the military impartially, and I will not apologize for that. They are real to me, and these are real stories. I know people with these stories, and it would dishonor them to keep them separate.

That said, something I love about military-centric books are how absolutely different they can be. There are so many facets to war and the military; who experiences, how one experiences it, who we all know experiencing it. I am grateful to say that most of Personal Effects is an area of the military life I don't know - and I know that sounds mean, but I promise it is not.

Matt Foster's dad is the embodiment of all things I hate about gung-ho military men. The meathead ones, the cruel ones, the ones who abuse their kid and bully them into thinking military = only option, military = the Right Way of life, military = manliness. The ones who think toting a gun makes you worthy, the ones who think the trenches are the only way to become someone, and that any man who doesn't have that goal is dishonorable and a "fairy." Any person can go ahead and think that - it's not my place to tell you your thoughts and opinions are wrong - but the ones who hit their kid and drill it into them with verbal jabs and demeaning slurs? I reject them. They are not men. They are less than men, and human in only the literal sense.

I think having such a strong reaction to Matt's dad helped me get through this book - instead of getting immediately sad and filled with the drowning sense of loss I normally do, I was filled with anger and indignation and was able to read on. This is a nod to EM Kokie's writing, in the only way I know how: I hate this type of man, but I wanted nothing more than to read on about him and what he does to Matt and their lives. Her characterization of him is amazing and real, and he is easily the dozens of guys and girls I know who are like him. Even after finishing the book, I hate him; but I appreciate his character.

Since I'm already on characters, I'll tackle that first. You immediately feel for Matt, and even though I don't endorse fighting, I do like his evolution. Sometimes I wish he'd grow a pair, but I understand his personality so well; and truthfully, if he ever stopped being so internal and closed off, it just wouldn't fit him. There is a depth to Matt that took me by surprise, and happily so. TJ is the driving force to the novel, and even though he's rarely here in the story, I do love who we come to know. He's a great big brother to Matt, and my admiration and sadness of his situation only increased the more I read. Shauna is the only one I thought to be a little one-dimensional, but her function as a friend and girl is fantastic and I love her for what she is to Matt. 

So, let's get on with the important thing: the story. Guys, this story broke my heart and left my gut twisted and wrenched in every which way. I want to cry for Matt for the first half of the book, and I actually did for him and everyone involved at the end of the book. I can't spoil it - it would be shameful to wreck what you will come to know and be so invested in - but trust me when I say that this is a story worth reading. That it needs to be read. That this is someone's story, a lot of someone's stories, and the world would be a better place if people took this book, devoured it as I did and found what is there: grief, acceptance, and dealing with the parts of life we have to hide because someone has belittled it. The parts we have to hide because people don't accept it. The parts that we have to hide because maybe you could die for it.

I can't actually talk about the last half of the book, because I fear what I will inadvertently spoil - just know that it's a fairly big surprise. I started to suspect as we get to read some of the letters from TJ's personal effects, but I was never certain. Going through the journey with Matt, trying to understand TJ's life and his death...it's so emotional and real and absolutely special. When you finally learn the truth of things...oh god. I can't even. I was floored and swept away and absolutely riveted to what was going on and how Matt would react. And there is literally one line, that is seven words long, that absolutely broke my heart and opened the floodgates.

Here's the thing: yes, this book is about a military family. Yes, someone is killed in war. Yes, the entire book revolves around TJ's personal effects and what they reveal. And yes, that's pretty much the focus of my entire review. But really? It's not about the military. This is so much more than that: it's about who we are to some people, and who we are to others. It's about our true selves. It is about learning who you are, learning who you can be, learning that some limitations don't have to be your boundary. It's about understanding the truth of love, and just how much that can get a person through. And mostly, it's about perceptions: yours, someone else's, and the flexibility of all of them.

4.5 Stars

Review: Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins

So, has anyone read this book yet? Because I hate it. (Bear with me, ok? It gets better.)

I hate it because I'm not certain I can ever love another YA book --hell, another book at all-- like I love this one. This is everything I've ever wanted in a book, everything I've never known I could want in a book. It is perfection.

You know those books that just reach into your soul and tug at every hidden string you've ever buried? One of those books that you're certain the author must have climbed into your head? It's that. This was one of those that I had to set down because I was so, so nervous and heartache-y with the main character, but then immediately pulled back open to devour because I HAD. TO. KNOW.

In short, it's about a girl (Lola) whose distinctly colourful life gets turned upside down when the family next door moves back in: her first crush/love who broke her heart returning to the window right across from hers.

Here's the thing: I'm nothing like Lola. I'm not a costumer, I don't dress in colours, I don't have some super sexy hot rocker boyfriend, my parents are not two gay dads, I don't live in San Francisco (how I wish, though...), I'm not in high school--and from what I can tell, my high school experience was nothing like hers.

But I am Lola. I am the girl filled with good and love. I am the girl torn by emotion, frustrated by the rush of everything all at once. I am doubtful and filled with doubt. I am questioned and questionable and questioning, unsure of everything and hopeful just the same. I want more and dream even more and desire the most. Maybe I don't have that boy next door who makes my heart jump and tense all at once (and trust me when I say Cricket Bell sounds close to the ideal), but I struggle through love and loving someone and loving someoneS. I fight every day to be honest and truthful and to figure out what being me really means.

And for that, I highly recommend this book. Because I think you'll be Lola, too, and I would love to have a world of them.

And a world of Cricket Bell's couldn't hurt, either.

*"imported" from my personal blog You're the Charlie Browniest